I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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