C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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