Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
