If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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