he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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