im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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