i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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