I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
