So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
