Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
