Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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