Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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