Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
