I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
