Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
