Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
