Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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