I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
