Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
