You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
