apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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