Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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