I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
