He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
zippers are such a cool invention
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
