How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
