It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
