Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
