Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
40s are totally the cure
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
