I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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