I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
