i jhust puked up my retainher.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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