she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
