Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
