Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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