If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
