you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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