hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
