Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
