A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
