I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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