Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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