If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
