He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
