$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
