I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
