Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
