Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
