Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
