I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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