Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
