Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
