There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
