relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
