singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
