Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
