Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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