Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
