wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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