My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
