Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
