Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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