you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
