First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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