That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
