This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
