do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
