why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
