i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
