I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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