I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize