Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
