remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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