please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
