I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
