1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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