he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
